like I wasn’t feeling swell enough

Quote of the day from this article, via Meep Meep and JasonJason0x21:

“[…] most singles are leaning against the bar, sighing, waiting for somebody — anybody — to happen by. The social swirl is a fallacy, at least after age 30 or so, when all the normal people get married. But like all fallacies — like the I’m-Crashing-Through-the-Jungle-in-My-Big-SUV delusion — people cling to it.

Thus the pressure from married friends. We are not, as the single people writing Rich seem to suggest, the malicious band of sideshow deformities in Tod Browning’s “Freaks,” keen to pull the unmarried into our nightmare as we chant, “You are one of us.”

Rather, in our eyes, we are trying to help our single friends salvage what’s left of their lives before the years pass, irretrievable. Single people are cowards and it pains us to see them strut around in their narrow boxes, declaring them the whole wide world.”

Yes, it’s a shallow, one-sided, rather silly article.  That being said, is it any wonder I’m anxious about my single-dom knowing that people actually think like this?  Do my co-workers or random acquaintances think I’m a loser for still being single… at 35?  I know my own grandmother sees my perpetual oneness as some sort of failure.

This is striking more of a reaction in me than it might otherwise because my “last single friend”* is now getting married.  She’s the one who always gave me hope, because she’s fabulous: funny, cute, successful, extremely smart and very nice (sometimes to a fault) — and if she was still single, then there was hope for me.  But now she’s engaged and will be married in June.  I am thrilled for her, and the fellow she’s marrying is great, but I admit, it’s caused my spirits to flag a wee bit.

*I do have other single friends, but mostly they’ve either (a) been married already or (b) don’t *want* to be married, which is an altogether different thing.


4 thoughts on “like I wasn’t feeling swell enough

  1. Well I was married, and am now so well settled that I might as well be again. And I’ve got to say, that article made me wish I was single. The author is either a total moron, or being deliberately inflammatory just to get a rise out of people. Maybe he feels so bored with married life that he has to incite bags of hate mail just to get some excitement in his life. Please don’t take it seriously.


  2. I’m with Sarah. That article made me want to be single again (no slight against L., obviously). I have married, single, and in-between friends. I’ve never considered marriage a goal in and of itself, seperate from the person I’d get married to (and, to be honest, I think that’s unwise). With L., it just seemed the natural thing to do. That’s where both of us wanted to take the relationship.
    I think that’s this guy’s central problem (aside from the unfortunate and wrong shrimp metaphor) and deconstructing his article in this context leads me to believe he isn’t very happy right now.
    And, I’m betting he’s getting a lot of hate mail.
    Oh, and you’re totally not a loser for being single. Anyone who thinks that needs their head examined.


  3. thanks
    Thanks for the reassurance… it just makes me wonder sometimes what people really do think. I know that others’ assumptions are beyond my control, but still…


  4. There probably is a bit of the matchmaker in a lot of married folks, certainly in me. Perhaps it’s because marriage is so great we want to share, maybe it’s because that way we can vicariously relive the good parts of dating now that we don’t have to deal with the bad parts anymore…
    As to what I think of my single friends – they’re great people who haven’t by dumb luck bumped into a person who “fits” them.


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