My latest knitting project, which I just finished last night, is the devil hat from the Stich-n-Bitch book. It’s a prototype for one I am going to make for my friend Jacintha, and I was pretty excited about it. Origially when I saw the pattern I thought about making one for another friend of mine, whom I thought it would be perfect for, ’cause it’s cute and sassy and seemed like the sort of thing she’d like.
So I took the hat to a big lunch today, mostly so Jacintha could try it on (which would allow me to adjust the patten for her). As I was talking about it, I discovered that the other friend (for whom I’d orginally thought of making one) doesn’t like it. (She didn’t say anything mean or anything, she just didn’t want one.) I was far more disappointed by this than I “should” have been.
I think it touched on one of my bigger hang-ups of late: the intersection between “craft” (I’m not even confident enough to call it “art”; somehow “craft” seems less presupposing) and identity. You see, I’m at the point where I sort of want to start selling some of the things I’m making (how do you like that hedge “sort of want” — ha!), and though I know (intellectually) I just need to “put it out there,” I’m terrified to do so. What if people don’t like it? What if no one wants to buy it?
Intellectually, of couse, I know that’s no reflection on me (or how well anyone likes me), but from a purely “gut” standpoint, it feels like it is. And heavens only knows, I don’t handle rejection particularly well.
So I hem and haw and put things on my craft page (but with no prices on them, and very little mention of the fact that I’d be interested in making more of them and getting paid for it) and make the occaisional “accidental” sale (someone sees something ans says “Ooh, I’d like to buy that, would you sell it?”), but never quite get around to doing what I need to do, which is to march into my favorite local boutique-y stores, samples and price list in hand and say “Hi, you should sell my most fabulous stuff.”
I’ve made (TINY) strides: getting things up on the site at all was a big deal, and I’ve finally gotten a rubber stamp with my logo and contact details so that I can make cute, hand-crafted hang-tags…I’ve even made some cute handcrafted hang tags. Which I’ve hung on the things I’ve made. Which are just waiting to be marched into a store…
I need injectable confidence.